Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Wankhede stadium refuses to host any games not involving Marathi Manoos

PawarMumbai: In a dramatic turn of events, just when cricket fans across the globe were beginning to rest their fears of Wankhede stadium not being ready in time for the world cup, post reassuring presence of Union Agriculture Minister and International Cricket Council president Sharad Pawar at the stadium, Wankhede stadium refused to make itself ready to host any match involving Non-Marathi Manoos on its soil. Citing Vinod Kambli’s and Romesh Pawar’s omission from the national world cup squad as one of the many prominent reasons for its stands, the stadium politely but sternly voiced its non-cooperation to hold any match that has less than 16 of the playing 22 as non-marathi outsiders. ‘Thats just a 75% reservation we are talking about leaving enough space for others and BCCI & ICC should consider it if they want to hold any world cup matches on my chest’ stadium said addressing the media. With BCCI president Shashank Manohar’s reasonably valid argument; ‘How the @#$% is than even possible in a Canada Vs New Zealand and New Zealand Vs Sri Lanka Match?’ falling on deaf ears, the fate the two mentioned world cup league matches scheduled at Wankhede is uncertain.

When contracted, sources known to be close to Wankhede confirmed that though there are many reasons for this extreme step but most recently a North Indian rookie Virender Sehwag running out marathi mulga Sachin Bhau and then himself going on make 175 runs in the world cup openor just tipped the boat. Stadium itself went on record to say ‘Disat Naahi Kaa, the fact that the 175 run record was earlier also held by a North Indian Kapil Dev with questionable English skills, only add to my argument of the suppression of Marathi manoos for years.’

Virender Sehwag’s mother when contacted expressed her sadness on this entire episode in the world cup opener and requested cricket fans across the country not to read too much into the run out. On record she said; “Arre wo to chote se aisa hi hai, moodi,, jab man nahi hoga to viruuu viruuuu bulate raho peeche se, wo sunega hi nahi.*smiles* Ho gayi hogi koi baat Sachin aur us ke beech mein match se pehle, bas nahi bhaga wo.*laughs* Shararati kahin ka.” 

The acute stand from the stadium however has triggered sharp reactions from all wakes of life.

BJP spokesperson releasing a official press statement said; ‘We demand a Joint Parliamentary Probe (JPC) into why Wankhede was alloted the games at the first place without a proper debate in the parliament. According to rough calculations by our honorable senior party member and leader of opposition in Rajya Sabha Mr.Arun Jaitly it has caused a loss of Rs.200,000 cr. to the national exchequer”. When contacted Arun Jaitly just said a concise ‘PM is weak’ and ‘We are doing great work in Gujarat’

Uma Bharti & Sushma Swaraj when told of the sad stand of the stadium, took an oath to cut all their hairs if their brethrens from Canada, New Zealand and Srilanka were not allowed to play at Wankhede for the league matches. Repeated queries from our end failed to get more clarity on - hairs on what part of the body were they was talking about, if they would cut each other hairs in public and how the @#$% are Canadians, Kiwis and Lankans their brethren.

Manoj Bajpayee when contacted just said; “Karara Jawaab Milega!”. Why he was contacted at the first place is being investigated.

Amar Singh labeled the incident as a sad mark in the history of the game in India. Through our reporter he issued a open request to the stadium; ‘Dear Wankhede, if you have anything against the north Indians why don’t you act in mature & reasonable way and just beat up some bihari Taxi drivers & get it over with? What is the point in holding an entire nation to ransom?’ Various Sena’s in Mumbai have welcomed this solution from Amar Sigh and offered their services to Wankhede Stadium for this cause.

Lalit Modi has offered to move the matches to South Africa. He also offered his expertise to arrange the same in a day.

Prime Minister’s office has maintained a dogged silence on the issue, but when repeatedly probed by journalists the PM did say this; “I swear, I had no clue on what A.Raja was doing.

Final comments from Stadium were awaited when we went to press.

In a totally unrelated incident, Kasab’s death sentence was upheld by the court. Kasab however said he would be contesting the judgment in a higher court. He confirmed the reports that he has enrolled in Indira Gandhi Open University for ‘patrachaar’ course in BA LLB and is confident of getting a law degree and fighting his own case in supreme court before there is any consensus in India to hang him. On his confinement to Anda cell he said health, hygiene, food and other conditions there are much better than that at his home in the Faridkot village in Okara District of Punjab, Pakistan and he is looking forward to meet a ‘Raja’ when his case goes to Delhi.

Photo Source: Its Pawar standing there, trying to do a SRK. Do u really care | News Source: Would have told but you already know where this came from. Right!

4 comments:

Priyanka said...

"Shararati Kahin ka" was the highlight for me. Thanks for the refreshing break from work. You have a very natural flow of expressions, very interesting to read. Write more often, pleeeeeeeease :)

R Athmanathan said...

Haha !! and again.. Nice !! But I still cant understand why was Manoj Bajpayee contacted ! :-)

Keep writing dude..

Deferred Brilliance said...

@Priyanka: Thxu.Off late work has been crazy.Will try being more regular.

@Athma: :) dont know y but u may want to watch rajneeti.Somehow that dialog was stuck in my head.

Anoop said...

And the master back to his scoring self.I think Saching is correcting the 'shararati kid's' mischief in todays match against ENG. But this was a gem. Bring on the next one.