Monday, August 22, 2011

BCCI to appoint an injury excuse coach!

New Delhi: Following news of rifts within in the Indian test squad over allocation of injury excuses to opt out of the depressing series, BCCI has finally decided to hire a coach to train the star players on how to come up with innovative excuses to pull out of any ill-fated series with possibly humiliating result in store or for when they are trying to save their mojo only for the money minting IPL.

According to sources with direct access to dressing room, the trouble started when the two Delhi batsmen raced with their announcements to beat the rest of the team in citing Concussion & Shoulder Injury to opt of the the remainder of the ongoing England Vs Dravid series.

See, there is a principle involved. Viru was totally out of line to claim the shoulder thing again when he had already used that to sit out of the first two tests. Now what am I supposed to do,, cry over a stretched hamstring ?? I hardly run singles, don’t bowl or run while fielding,, Who is going to believe me??”; shouted a otherwise calm VVS Laxman, expressing his disgust with the two Delhiites.

Chairman of the selection committee, Srikant said; “While I welcome the BCCI’s move to hire a coach for proper allocation of injury excuses, the expense is rather unnecessary and something that can be avoided by hiring educated players.”. 

Elaborating his point he explained; “Just look at Gauti, with concussion not only did he come up with something really novel which is almost impossible for general physicians to diagnose & dismiss as fake, he also drew into his theater experience to stage a wonderful fall to build up to his Concussion excuse. Now even if someone questions his excuse all he has to do in response is to roll up his eyeball, take out his tongue from corner of his mouth with drool falling down and look lost .. Brilliant isn’t it !!That comes from education.Not like the Pot headed Jat who started crying over pulling his shoulder yet again,, without even playing one decent pull shot in the series for crying out loud !!! That’s just lame.”

BCCI secretary Niranjan Shah however defended the board’s decision stating its not just the novelty & convincing quality of excuses that matters. The new coach he said will need to manage overall management of injury excuses,  ranging from day to day matters like which players can pull out, how frequently the same player can claim an injury, how many injury claims per series can be allowed,, to the strategically important  issues like can Sreesanth be given board’s approval over his application to opt out of all active forms of cricket for lifetime claiming recurring & incurable ‘Menstrual cramps’

Dhoni while largely remaining neutral over the new announcement, dismissed the news of any serious rift in the team.“With most, its just a questions of sour grapes. See you have to accept no one can beat Delhiites when it comes to Haramkhori, Kameenapan and Bahanebaazi. But then considering what ‘others’ have done in this series, maybe you should expect Tennis Elbow becoming popular again”; he said with a mild grin, refusing to elaborate as to who he was talking about.

News Source: I will be disrespecting your sensibility if I even mention this right ??


India's no.1 blog said...

The last para is classic :) loved the concept..BTW we can hire one of the politicians for this role buddy..what do you say? I mean we are talking about clowns who can give excuse for anything...nice post and keep writing :) why only 5 posts in 2011???

Deferred Brilliance said...

@India's No.1 Blog: Well the job description is tailor made for all parliamentarians, Manesh Tewari in particular :)

Chintan said...

they totally sucked at this test match!

j. littlejohn said...

sometimes coaches say "we're not going to blame things on injuries" just so they can keep on bringing up injuries, giving them an excuse and making it an issue

Deferred Brilliance said...

@John yup, thats an even better strategy that keeps the fans guessing while giving them a moral highground :)

Deferred Brilliance said...

@chintan just that one? :) but yes they did. Let's just say instead of having a bad day they decided to take a bad season.