Monday, March 29, 2010

A Tribute to GOD himself – Aeeee Salaaaaa Prabhuji !

This is for all my GenX friends or to ‘Youngistan’ (a term which a out of place looking 50+ Sanjay Dutt & a under ripe Ranbeer Kapoor tried to promote without much success). So, my friends with a heightened sense of selection, who were too snobbish to dismiss courageous attempts at creativity like Rann, Houseful, Wanted, Badmash Company, Kites …. etc as a not noteworthy & Deepika Padokonish feeble shot at movie making - Am outraged on your thinking (well to be honest not as outraged as Rakhi Sawant was when Mikka went too far while checking her Lipstick flavor), so lets rephrase that am upset when such Bollyflicks are equated to an eventuality of an attempted remake of Titanic with KRK & Himesh R as lead. (Depending on the adventurous abilities of your mind you may assume at either of them at the leading end of the mast). Well don’t get me wrong I hate them too but for totally different reasons. Reason simple enough that they dont even come close to my Prabhuji. 

What? Who Prabhuji ??? Well if you really don't know your existence on planet earth till now does not have any meaning? But for now plead mercy for your sins and read on.

I like my other friends in 1990s grew up on Prabhuji’s prasadam. That was when I had the time and had a 50% success rate with the two point agenda of my life which was to (a) meet my parents expectations to see me studying for at least 2 hours a day and (b) to watch at least one movie daily & play cricket for 14 hours a day. It was too late by the time I realized that my agenda (b) was actually making agenda (a) fail miserably. But then some of us are slow learners, what to do. Anyways the point is that by living up to the second agenda of my life I am privileged to have fond & lasting memories of what was served to my generation in the name of entertainment. And when I compare today’s cinema to those days entertainment I feel like Rajesh Khanna of ‘Swarg’ who wasted his hey days and didn’t even touch his wife Madhavi for his brothers who ditched him when he grew old. BTW Rajesh Khanna is also alleged to not have gone near Madhavi coz at that age he needed either a Viagra or his long lost girl friend Anju Mahendru to wake him up, if you know what I mean. Anyways not digressing from the topic, in my personal opinon todays movies are no match to the gems from 80s & 90s expecially those of Prabhuji. 

So friends lets rewind in time to the 1990s when AK Hangal was still ONLY old (well I don't want to sound disrespectful but then later in 2000s he  did deteriorate to being older than Nepoleon’s left leg shoe kept at France’s museum !) & when ‘Murder’ if shot then would have been 22 shots of roses coming together. When I see in retrospect I say wow, we have come a long way from fully clad Nilofer Bano (Salma Agha) of ‘Nikah’ singing a drab ‘Dil ke Armaan’ looking at Raj Babbar (who at that time surprisingly was not the lustful self of Insaaf ka Tarajoo fame) to the present days Gina (Kangana Ranaut) doing a la’ Sharon Stone in ‘Kites’ apparently while attempting to clean the room. (FYI Shiney Ahuja tried to get his not so hot maid do the very same act some time back and the poor innocent creativity seeking angel was jailed for that. So unfair. But we will talk about that sometime else.)

The journey for the generation who’s seen that change has been way more than just being eventful. We have survived the worst, the age of resent, the age of control, the age of repression, the age of restriction,,,,or may I say - the age of KLPD. For those who do not know what KLPD stands for I request to go out & put your head in the office shredder and for my relatives active on net I request not to read beyond this point or least be prepared to shock your guts.  Okay so while am on the disclaimers I shall say kids under 19 & L.K.Advanis please log out now and I will also use this point to clarify that this post by no means is my normal state of mind but is reflection of the remaining figments of imagination of a depleted mind rendered workless after a mad March rush. Okay so put on your seat belts ladies and ‘Gentle’ Men (this gentle state might change as you read on, so be prepared…. See your dirty mind is already getting ideas !), anyways lets uncover the era taking little little steps forward, pretty in the same fashion as a estrogen charged Balua (Gulshan Grover) would move, while advancing towards a fear stricken Laxmi (Sridevi) cuddled up in a corner in ‘Sadma’ all the way suggestively saying “Raani tumhari jagah mere pairon mein nahi, us se thodi upar hai”.

mithun Well there have been substantial contributions from great men in those times but then there are men and there are men. But here am talking about men who by sheer virtue of their creative genius rose to a GODly status. SRK said in IPL awards that “GOD is jealous now coz people in India worship him calling him Sachin”. I say the same but for different individual’s altogether. My praise, amongst others, points heavily towards ‘Disco dada’ Mithun Chakraborty (popularly called ‘Prabhuji’ by his humble worshipers, yours truly being one)  & Sri Shri Shri Kanti Shah ji maharaj who came together for making socially relevant cinema that laid the basis of totally different creative & linguistic revolution.

Prabhuji was a bit lost to begin with. Making his debut as Ghinua in Mrinal Sen’s ‘Mrigayaa’ where (horror or horrors!!)  he met with the misfortune of bagging a National Film award for the best actor. Disco dada had then to struggle a lot to ultimately find his niche and give mankind the unparallel gems like Loha, Yamraaj, Chandaal, Titli, Jallad, Ravaan Raaj-A True Story, Dalaal, Don Muthu Swami (yes this was the title !), Elaan, Zahreela, Kali Topi Laal Rumal, Paap ki Kamee, Brashtachaar aka Corruption (again am not making this title up !) & Sher-E-Hindustan. Of course these are only a few of the 255 gems that Disco Dada has churned out with social service in heart and with Just in time & Lean fundamentals in mind. In fact so efficient was he that he would make two movies at the same time, with only the relevant items like the names of the leads different. But would you really blame Disco Dada if he chose to keep the minor & irrelevant details like the set, locations & cast the same. Anyways lets move on.

The feats Prabhuji has captured cannot be matched by any mortal. Prabhuji redefined complex laws like ‘whatever goes up must come down to his version of ‘Whatever goes down must come up and whatever goes up may or may not come down.  Prabhuji urged the lesser minds to think with simple questions. Like in chandaal when jailor says ‘Chalo Indrajeet, aaj tumhara faisla hone waala hai Prabhuji asks in return (in his bengali tone) ‘Agar faisla aaj hone waala hai toh 5 saal mujhe qaid mein kyu rakha?? ,, leaving the jailor speechless & ashamed at our own screwed legal process. Or using simple logic to solve complex problems like in this situation. Mantri:"Ye kanch bullretproof hai. tum mujhe chu bhi nahi sakte" Prabhuji think for a moment and then smiles :"Ye kanch bulletproof hai magar patthhar proof nahi"AND HE BREAKS IT BY THROWING STONES ON THE GLASS AND THEN SHOOTS THE GUY ! Well audience or no audience, physics or chemistry Prabhuji as my Alma mater’s dean Dr.Bala has kept it simple -  “Its my way or the highway”.  

Gunda Ok while I can close my eyes and pick any of Prabhuji’s blockbusters to explain the eternal magic of the messiah that is Prabhuji, I have picked “Gunda”. The epic from 1998 directed by the GOD sent Kanti Shah. If you think with “Choli ke Peeche kya hai” and “Chadh gaya upar re, atariya pe lotan kabootar re” you have heard all the double meaning bhajans & epilogues from the bollywood nagaria you are wrong. Each dialog in the epic Gunda is so pregnant with possibilities of lustful interpretation that you will perhaps get AIDS by just by reading this post. You may want to consult your doctor on condoms for eyes before you read ahead. People with glasses don’t worry you are already wearing yours. I am not kidding guys, allegedly 4 officials of the censor board died after reviewing this movie due to stomach ulcer in their eyes & bawaseer in their ears. There are no proofs to substantiate that accusation though. So what is different about Gunda. As sadhvi Rakhi Sawant will put it – “Andar to sabke pass same same hi rehne ka na, how it is showns to the medias is what matters.” [Seriously Rakhi, all plurals… always … really?? Anyways]

The story line (or lack of it) of Gunda is of the time tested declining political morals, corruption, rising crime and revenge-action all boiled in one. No Genius is appreciated in his own time. When the Greek philosopher Pythogorous first suggested that earth is round he was tested for drug abuse and punished with 20 whiplashes on his bare buttocks. (Its True !!) It happened with Michael Angelo, Mozart and most recently with Haradanahalli Doddegowda Deve Gowd.” (HD Deve Gowd’s drug abuse test allegedly is pending as authorities are still trying to wake him up from his polar bearish slumber.) 

Lamboo Atta 02 Anyways the point is Gunda was also not appreciated by the critics in those times as they failed to read between the lines. The movie starts with the second villain “Lamboo Atta” (played by Ishrat Ali, remember no? Rani mukherjee father in Bichoo? no? Guys may i recommend a little less Star Movies and more of Zee Cinema please.)anyways so Lamboo Atta encapsulating the political decay of the 90s by addressing the politician as Kafanchor Neta jo dilli se billi ka doodh peeke aaya hai” and summarizes the state of politics of 90s by saying Aaj gundagiri aur netagiri ek hi bhadwe baap ki do harami aulad hain”. Take a moment here on this enlightened statement and note that it needs a genius to represent the prevalent system in so few words. I salute the writer ‘Bashir Babar’ who also has the gems ‘Phoolan Haseena Ka Paseena’ and its sequel ‘Daku Ramkali’ to his credit.

So in the movie when this politician tries to give Lamboo Atta a supari for fellow Neta “Politician Bachubhai Bhigona” (played by deepak shirke, remember? no? Anna Shetty of Agnipath, Jayanti lal ratan of Judwa, Amitabh’s father Pratap in Hum, Kaalia Danger in Khuda Gawah? no? seriously guys a little more of Zee Cinema. One moviea day … anytime .. will do.) so i was saying Lamboo Atta is surprised and he reflects on this politician’s bonhomie with Bachubhai Bhigona in the past as Arre wo to tera khasam khas tha. Uski biwi tere pass aur teri biwi uske pass soti this phir bhi dono mein koi lafda nahi hota tha”. The fact that Lamboo Atta refuses to take the supari only reflects the high moral standards of the goons of 90s who did not kill just for money. But the shrewd politician is able to convince the morally upright Lamboo Atta only by mentioning Babubhai Bhigona’s proximity with “Bulla” (played by Mukesh Rishi - Inspector Salim of Sarfarosh.Now if you dont know this you will burn in hell !) who is the main villain and also apparently Lamboo Atta’s arch rival. Now the game of professional one up-manship is only fair as its healthy competition, but Lamboo Atta is visibly agitated or should i say aroused by mere mention of Bulla which he reflects in his dialog Bullaaaa (loud scream !), Bulla ka naam leke tune khada kar diya hai mera ……. Gusse se sar ka eke k baal khada kar diya hai”. Now why only the hairs on his head react to his state of sensuous anger is left open for interpretation. Veet cream on other parts maybe. But leave it why should we care.

Now 90s was hard time when one really had to work hard to become a celebrity. Not as compared to today’s time when all it requires to come on cover page of national daily and prime time on national news is taking a shower in a Bikini in an artificially made waterfall in a jungle curtsey Is jungle se mujhe bachao". This struggle to find a place in social memory lane is very cleverly represented by Kanti Shah in Gunda by making each character introduce himself with a poetic prose as an opening statement which they repeat at multiple appearances on screen. Each character’s prose delivery is carefully crafted and while being part of the narration also carries symbolism to different realms of the society & subdued messages to the word across.

Bulla 01 To begin with there is the main negative protagonist “Bulla” who for some reason elongates the last word of every sentence he speaks ( like Marengaaaaay, Khayengaaaay, Jayengaaaaay etc.). Bulla introduces himself as Naam hai mera Bulla. Rakhta hun mein ekdum Khullaaaaaaaaaaa”. (Loosely translated as My name is Bulla and I believe in keeping it open). While narrow minds can take the meaning to the man’s preference of not wearing a underwear but think deep and it would reflect in the deep business message given to software giants in the time when IT was just beginning to make ground. So while Microsoft failed to recognize this business sense,  open source players like Apache, Mozilla took the cue and reaping the benefits of it now.

Chuttiya 02 Lets move ahead. Bulla’s is almost always accompanied by his hermaphrodite brother ‘Chuttiya’ (played by the legendary rapist & casting couch virgin Shakti Kapoor). The word Chuttiya albeit open to many meanings some summarized at, is in Gunda nothing but a representation for the small choti that the character keeps on his head. Opening again in a composed prose “Naam hai mera chutiya, khadi karta hun mein acche accho ki khatiya”, he symbolizes his dependence on his elder brother with the line Bulli, kahan hai teri ungli”. A half man Chutiya’s life biggest dream is to be macho like his brother Bulla who in Chuttiya’s words, apni keep Haseena ka nikalta hai paseena. If Hum sath sath hain depected the eternal love of brothers Gunda is yet another representation of how a man looks up to his elder sibling. 

Pote 02 Close second in screen presence after Chuttiya is Bulla’s partner in crime “Pote” who  presumably is a sindhi which is visible in his claim to fame introduction Mera naam hain pote, jo apne baap ke bhi nahi hote. The ruthlessness of his criminal mind is depicted in the dialog Jaljala jaag utha hai. Ab lashein is tarah se tapkengi jis tarah se nanhe munne bacche ki nunni se peshab tapakta hai.tap.tap.tap. Allegedly so awestruck was Indian cricket team by this dialog that to realize it they developed a habit to give away their wickets to at the pace as the little drops of su-su falls down a toddlers ‘nunni’. A trend that continued till late 2001-02 when another dada from Bengal put an end to this trend set by movie of an older dada from Bengal. Again a phenomenon that deserves a separate post. 

Ibu Hatela 01 Ok on 2 July 2009, the Delhi High Court court decriminalized homosexual intercourse between consenting adults, within its jurisdiction of the national capital, where Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code was adjudged to violate the fundamental right to life and liberty and the right to equality as guaranteed by the Constitution of India. But the seeds to this liberty were sown way back in 1998 with ‘Ibu Hatela’ in Gunda who has this egregious affection to a man’s posterior. He categorically pitched for gay right with his opening line Mein hun Ibu Hatela. Maa meri chudel ki beti, baap mera shaitan ka chela. Khayega kela. (And in case you missed the kela he also visibly points to the direction in which it can be found.) He continues with Lamboo Atta ne hamare aadmi ko maar ke rumal fada hai. Apun uska patloon fadega. Wo bhi peeche se. Angootha lagake. Shows thumb and points to the exact spot where it is intended to go.

Its now that Indian middle class is flying high in low cost airlines. Yet again a dream that Kanti Shah gave to the masses by shooting most of the action and long shots at an airstrip. So while he narrated Gunda he was scientifically priming the minds of the masses to become comfortable with the planes for they one day would power the airlines with cattle class purchase. So it was an airstrip where Lamboo Atta’s brother Kundan is stabbed by Bulla. Kundan however delays his death waiting for permission of his brother to die who has a weird reason to have his brother live. 

Kundan Lamboo Atta: Nai kundan. Marne ka nai. Bina pooche marne ka nai. Agar tu mar gaya to mein maaze kiske sath karunga. Yaad hai jab hum dono college mein the. Tu mere se zyada chikna tha. Tu chokri pata ke lata tha aur mein maaze karta tha.
Kundan:Bhaaaai, mera dum nikal raha hai bhaaaai.’
Lamboo Atta:naaaaaai dum ko pakad ke rakh mere bhai dum ko pakad ke rakh. Yaad hai wo dhande wali jo tereko bolti thi, mere pyaare chikne kundan lagaungi tereko Chandan. Pairoon ke beech ke jhoole me jhula ke pahuchaungi issi jahaz mein London.’

Munni Well it is medically proven that erotica can elongate life and kundan too although visibly bleeding survives for a full 2 min sleezy dialog sequence. Fuming by his brother death Lamboo Aatta predictably rapes and kills Bulla’s sister. However since in his fit of anger he forgets dialogs he just points to Kanti Shah’s earlier masterpiece ‘Loha’ when while molesting Bulla’s sister he says Aare tune kanti shah ki picture loha nahi dekhi, usme ek dialog hai – chatri hoti hai kholne ke liye, chadar hoti hai oodhne ke liye aur chokri hoti hai chedne ke liye. The loss of dialog in anger or sorrow however does not affect Bulla who on seeing his dead sister delivers the poetic masterpieceMunni meri behen munni. Munni meri behen munni. To tu mar gayi. Lamboo ne tujhe lamba kar diya. Machis ki tilli ko khamba kar diya

Kareena had an ear for details when from the whole of Shahid’s opening banter in ‘Jab we met’ she picks ‘wo brothel wali baat galat thi’. So has Bulla who would have forgiven Lamboo Atta for killing his sister but definitely not for raping her which he clarifies in Lamboo Atta. Apne bhai ka ghata poora karne ke liye tune meri behen ko maar dala. Theek kiya. Ok So far so good. Kala dhanda karne walo ki maa behen beti ki zindagi ka koi bharosa nahi hota. Magar tune meri behen ka rape karke bahut galat kiya. And hence Lamboo Atta is killed rightly so for outraging the modestly of a women. Clearly Kanti Shah set a trend that resulted in today’s Santosh kumar singh (Priyadarshani Matto case), Manu sharma (Jessica Lal) etc have being punished. As I said Gunda has set a precedent in all walks of life.

Those doubting my claim should know Gunda is on Imdb at 7.8/10 rating. And if you must know your heartthrob Hrithik’s Kites still in Imdb is 5.7/10. The movie is or should I say in my college days was a rage in many hostel and the dialogs like ‘kar dunga tujhe khullam khulla’ were the official party lines. The choosiest of lechers on campus or professors were named as ‘Nirodh Kumar’ after one of the characters of Gunda who was the result of a faulty contraceptive. The difficult subjects or problems of engineering hostel were forgotten with an attitude of Lucky Chikna’s “Dhande pe baithi hain to buddha kya, jawan kya, kya chotha kya bara, kya baitha kya khara.” And of course the legend of extending the last word like bulla did irritate some groups to take them to Prabhuji styled fighting.

Shankar Prabhuji Anyways looking at the length of this post which is growing like the list of the people who can claim to have kissed or married Rakhi Sawant I cut to the introduction of Disco Dada, the legendary Dance India Dance grandmaster,  haaeeee salaaaaaa Mithun da aka ‘Shankar’ the coolie of Gunda who is Main hoon jurm se nafrat karne waala, shareefon ke liye jyoti, goondon ke liye jwaala”. [Ofcourse this is matched by Kala Shetty’s response in a equally melofious prose:tujhe bana kar maut ke muh ka niwala. Tere seene mein gaad dunga mein mauth ka bhala.] Shankar represented the common man of 1990s India and had family that almost 90% of the India had which consisted of an old father, a grown up chubby sister (chubby understandably as she has a rape scene to do), an even chubbier girlfriend Ganga and a monkey. Of course like any of the 1990 coolie families of India his sister is molested & killed by Chuttiya and Lucky Chikna. His father is of course killed by Bulla’s top pot belied henchmen “Kala Shetty” aptly named after his skin tone and so is Ganga.

So Shankar like all males of 1990s (with the restricted entertainment options on Door Darshan) is left with only his own monkey to play with. Now all (boys & girls) who have had a long lasting relationship with either of their hand would know that there is only that much what you can do with one hand and with your own Monkey. (No Pun intended).

Now who are we earthly insects to comment on the leela of Prabhuji himself. The latter half of the movie is a living example of the might of Prabhuji himself, of his defying every possible law of modern physics and his devotion to changing the background of the scene by mere closing his eyes. All i can say is Prabhuji out of frustration and need to vent out his pent up energy goes on a killing spree eliminating the villains Inspector Kale, Kala Shetty, Lucky Chikna, Ibu Hatela, Pote, Chuttiya and Bulla in the increasing order of their paycheck size from this movie. With Shankar the only man standing in the end accompanied of course by his monkey who is standing too. (Before you dismiss Shankar as a lustful revenge seeker you must understand anyone's monkey can stand after so much violence in just last 15 mins. - Again, no Pun Intended)

Anyways the truth is that Gunda (see video or visit the facebook group) goes down in the history of Indian cinema as a cult masterpiece that would never be repeated. Of course there are atheists who question Prabhuji’s Gunda with doubts like why were most murders done on airstrips? While chasing Chuttiya to Bhulla's house why does Shankar do a dance before he enters? Why is "Toilet" written on the door in Bulla's house in one of the scenes? How does Mantri's car do 4 back flips with just one bullet from Prabhuji ? How Ibu Hatela’s death location change twice in the same shot? Why does Shankar’s father’s moustache keep appearing & disappearing between scenes? Who ate Ibu hatela’s kela finally? What came first - Chuttiya or his name? Why does man with a sword in belly say Lamboo Aata ne mujhe "chakoo" maar diya? Was Rabbi Shergil’s ‘Bulla ki jana mein kaun’ inspired by Gunda’s Bulla? How does Prabhuji pick up Baba's wireless broadcasts on his mobile phone? and many more.


The eternal question currently being researched by NASA - Why don't the laws of conventional physics apply to Prabhuji?

Well while Prabhuji’s worshipers have tried to address many such queries at, all I can say is that there are only two types of mortals on this planet earth. The ones who worship Prabhuji and those who will worship Prabhuji.


sneha said...

Ok so you have officially elevated from being half crack to total loon. BTW Prabhuji rocks and so do u ! Its been a while since i have laughed so much. Write more often pleeeeeeease.

Manish said...

Ha ha ha.Wow dude. Remember we saw it at regal. I guess we were the only ones in upper stall. So right it was not acknowledged in its time. What makes you think you will be. lol

Aaaaaaaaaa it all came back in a flash. Very well composed.

R Athmanathan said...

Lovely.. Took me more than ten mins to complete this but was gripping enough to keep me on... I have been a gunda fan since coll days and can relate to each of those dialogs..

In fact this reminds me of gunda's campaign on breast cancer which read "we stare because we care"... :-)

keep writing dude. It was a nice read.

Amit said...

ROTFL. I think i just died laughing. Thanks for making me relive it Bro. You Rock !

Also for 10 years i have been trying to find out why did Bulla said 'Munni meri behen munni, munni meri behen munni' two times. Did you uncover the secret in your research - Which BTW was the perfect possible use of time.

Keep posting.

Brijesh said...

@Sneha: Thanks
@Manish: Regal was a legend. They have spoilt it of late by renovating.
@athma: those who have seen the full version will appreciate that i have not included Lucky Chikna's dialogs which would have made this otherwise titillating writeup a complete porn :) remember this one from Lucky Chikna's Latakta sex circus "Wo bhuddha kuch karta nahi hai. Bas kehta hai meri ungli choos"
@amit:Unfortunetly that secret died with the writer - Bashir Babar. But Hail Prabhuji !

cooldivay said...

Nicely wriiten .. ROFL..

Its time to Re-Live Gunda :P

my first visit on your blog .. nice piece of writting :)

Vaibhav said...

Kill me Kill me now .... now a serious note on this nonsensical writing - I have never laughed this much in my life. Not even when i saw the masterpiece. You gave it a new life. Very well written.

Brijesh said...

Thanks @cooldivay, @Vaibhav.
Someday i'll talk about another of Prabhuji's cult - 'Loha'

Anonymous said...

Interesting. Never saw movie but now have to see it. Brijesh, seeing this side of you 1st time. Hey by this side i mean creative aspect and ppl shall not take any other meaning as earlier i have seen your academic and serious side only. No other side guys
Rahul Dixit